Photo: by Kim Long Photography

How much do you know about your closest friends and family? We all think we know everything, but do you REALLY know what your partner’s greatest fear is, what keeps your best friend up at night and how your aunt got through being a single mom? Does this matter to you? Of course it does, but my question to you is how much do you really know, and can’t we all learn more about one another to deepen our connections? I am one who believes that it’s our connection to one another, as human beings, that provides the most happiness and joy in life. I love people and I love learning about them. I have always believed that everyone is interesting and has a story. And more often then not, their eyes light up at the opportunity to share their experiences with me. I love learning about people’s interests, goals, passions and history, It’s inspiring to me, and I learn so much about life through other people’s experiences, as well as my own. So, I ask questions.

One day, I realized, at a family gathering of all places, that there were people related to me that had NEVER asked me a single question. I’ve know these people for years and yet I realized they haven’t a clue about me despite the number of times I’ve inquired about their jobs, travel, relationships etc. I struggled with this epiphany because I wondered why it bothered me so much. For a long time, I felt that it was because they must think I’m boring or uninteresting, and then it bothered me because I felt maybe It was my ego longing for attention. As I dug deeper, I realized that this experience wasn’t unique to me. My husband and friends had experienced the same thing. It’s that people are often closed off, insecure and self-conscious, so the last thing they are thinking about is YOU. Simply picture your last large get together, be it with family, friends or a work gathering, and think back. What conversations were going on? Were you engaged in the discussion? Were you included, or were you content to be on the sidelines? As I started to observe people more closely, I discovered that there is always a silent dialogue people seem to be having in their heads as they sit quietly or even while talking. I can tell this because they are clearly not in the present moment. How do I know this? Their eyes are not even connected to the person they are talking to! I realized how disconnected so many people are from each other and it made me quite sad.

When we experience being stuck in an airport and strike up a conversation with another stranded passenger and find out their story, it’s usually fun, right? Well, if at the very least you have a good story to tell when you get where you’re going! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no Del Griffith, but I’m not afraid to be friendly. Most of the time people are happy to return the favor. What happens when people are forced to talk together? Is it really THAT bad? Is it THAT risky to say “how are you?” or “how was your weekend?” and mean it? We have so many wonderful ways to connect electronically, but what about when the computers and iPhones are tucked away? How do we communicate? How do we connect with others? Try talking to the clerk at Target next time you’re there. Ask them how their day is going, sympathize with an exasperated mother, or simply smile and say hello as you pass someone on the street, instead of looking down. You know you’ve been the recipient of random kindness. It feels good, but it feels even better to be the one giving kindness. 

Our society is so afraid of protecting our privacy (for good reason in many situations) but you’re in control of what you disclose. If it’s a friend or family member, reach out and deepen that connection. I’ve met some wonderful friends by simply reaching out. Don’t stop being interested in other people. We all have something to learn from one another. You never know, you might just get the best advice you ever received from the person sitting next to you.